Still in Sacramento

I met Jennifer, Shelby and baby for breakfast again and then headed out for another day of genealogy research. I found a lot of neat stuff while spending several hours staring at microfilm reader screens and thumbing through 100 year old books. Among the things I found were Larry's great-great grandfathers obituary in the San francisco Daily Evening Bulletin (newspaper) from January 24, 1865; Larry's great grandfather has a page with a bio in the Roster of California Pioneers; letters that his 8th great-grandfather wrote in 1781 and 1780 which just blows me away. On one of them, there is a copy of the original in his handwriting (in Spanish) and then the transcription. It was a very successful 2 days of research!
I've been to most of the places in Tucson that Larry and I used to go to so it doen't bother me as much when I go there now.  However, up here it all new virgin territory and I'm constantly being places or going by them that we used to go to all the time. Sad. Lonely. Bitter dose of reality. One Day At A Time...
Gertrude is still doing a good job of getting me to places and back. However, I don't know why she got me on the freeway for 1 mile and then back off to the same street I was on before the freeeway.  Where I was going was just a few miles on the original street.... As everyone knows, I was already a big fan of my smartphone but it is really great when traveling. Besides being a map, it is really nice to be able to check email when I'm someplace that doesn't have internet or I don't have the laptop. And then there is the ability to find the nearest McDonalds... 8-)
Meeting Jennifer and family tonight for dinner and then we are going across the street to the Dairy Queen.  Yum, yum, yum!
In the morning it will be time to reload the car and head over to Georgia's in the San Francisco area.

A day of genealogy research

I met Jennifer, Shelby and the foster baby this morning for breakfast. Then I headed downtown to the Californial Historical Library to do some genealogy research on Larry's family. I had made a pretty long list of stuff to research.  Some of was specific and some of it was whatever they had on a person.  I didn't find the one thing that I am really on a hunt for which is the Naturalization record of Larry's great-grandfather who came over from Ireland. I'm hoping that that would tell me what port he came through.  I've tried searching passenger list and there must be a 100 people with his name that came from Ireland around the time he did.  No luck at the library here but they referred me to the records of the National Archives so will try that when I get home.  However, I did find a lot of info on Larry's grandfather that I didn't have and some that I did have. I found his great-grandfather on his dad's side in the 1930 CA Death Index book but California doesn't have open records so I have to submit a request to get a copy of the full death certificate but it takes about 18 months to get it. Other states have death certificated available on-line after a certain number of years have passed but not California. Tomorrow I'm going back and start searching for some stuff  that is on microfilm. I'm so used to doing computer searches that it seems strange to go to a card file, find something and then look it up in a book or on microfilm.  I met Jennifer, Steve and kids for dinner tonight. It was nice to not repack the car today and head on to another town. One Day At A Time..

Sacramento

Larry went to Sam's Hof Brau for over 20 years. It first opened in 1959 in Sacramento.  When we lived here, we went every week or so and HAD to go every time we came back here after we moved away. We always ordered the same thing - corned beef for him, hot pastrami for me,  on rye with potato salad and the best kosher dill pickles in the world. So today, when I got into town, that is where I stopped for a late lunch. There is NO fat on the meat because it is all trimmed off. If you want a turkey sandwich, a big roasted bird is on the counter and they cut the meat off. The pickles are very thin sliced and are in a big oak barrel. And yes it was just like I remembered it tasting last year but I sure missed his company while I ate. I find it important on this trip to do things pretty much like we would have done if we were on the trip together.  Maybe that will change in the future but not for this trip.
I was glad to get to the hotel here in Sac today. I'm tired from driving so much by myself - more so than I expected to be - and want to sleep in the same bed for a few nights before going on to the next place. It was only about a 3 hour drive today and would have been less if I hadn't hit road construction again and spent several miles at stop and creep.
I found the genealogy  information I was looking for at the Library in Modesto. Larry's great-grandfather wrote a letter in July 1868 fronm Paradise City, Stanislaus County in which he talked about it taking 3 days to travel from Benecia (east of San Francisco) to Paradise City via boat and on land.  Today you could do it in 2-3 hours driving max. Paradise City isn't on the map anymore and we were curious as to where it was.  Well, I found out that it was just outside Modesto on the Tuolumne River and only existed for a few years. It was basically built as a shipping port to get goods to San Francisco via water. There was also a mill there for milling the corn that was grown in the area. The town died when the rail road came through Modesto and products were shipped via rail. Dr. O'Neil and another doctor set up a drug store in Paradise City. It must not have done too well because a year later he had moved onto Santa Barbara where he got married and later died. It was an interesting research day... 8-)  I can't wait to tackle the California Historical Library tomorrow that is here in Sacramento.
Gertrude (GPS system)  redemed herself today.  I can get to the HofBrau and I can get to the hotel I'm staying at but I didn't know how to get from one to the other. After I convinced her she wasn't still in Pasadena, she brought me right to the hotel.
If I wasn't feeling guilty enough for leaving Morris at home, I keep getting alerts on my phone about the storms happening in Tucson since I've been gone.  Poor guy HATES thunder and would always snuggle up lose to Larry so he could protect him.  Sorry Morris....  Remember, One Day At A Time...

Modesto

I've been driving up and down Hwy 99 that runs between Bakersfield and Sacramento,  since the mid 80's. Until today, I thought it ran north/south. After 2 hours of driving into the setting soon, I realize my assumption  is incorrect.  Never once did I look up at the compass on the mirror and it was saying "N".  It was always west or northwest. The setting sun was brutal.  And then there was road periodic construction. Whoever decided to take 3 lanes to 1 was just plain stupid. I finally see the sign that says the street I want to exit on is only 1 mile ahead. The next sign says "ramp closed"... So 2 miles to the next exit and trying to figure out how to get back to the street I originally wanted and then my hotel... But, I finally got here....
I set a new personal best for long lunch today when I spent 4.5 hours at lunch today.  I met a long time friend of Larry's for lunch on my way leaving LA today. We talked a lot when Larry was sick and after he died but I had never met her..  Anyway, we had a great time getting acquainted and reminicing about Larry.
 I was a little early for lunch so went in the nearby Walmart to kill some time. Of course I found a few things that I couldn't live without including some peanut M&M's. The cashier starts ringing it us and asked "do you want these in a bag?" I look at her a second thinking what kind of a question is that before I say "please".  Then says "a paper bag is 10 cents and a recycle bag is 20 cents."  Then it dawns on me..I'm in California who is banning plastic bags. I took the recycle which is the ame shape as a typical plastic bag but made out of a thin recycle clothlike material.
Tomorrow I'm doing some genealogy research at the Stanislaus County Historical Library here in Modesto before I head on up to Sacramento.

Pasadena

Leaving the house this morning was very sad since Larry wasn't with me and I was by myself.  The biggest problem with the drive today was that there wasn't anyone to talk to. Hence, at times between Phoenix and Palm Springs where there wasn't much to look at it, and it was hard at times to stay really alert.  I was o.k. once I got to the Palm Springs area where there was more traffice and things to look at.
During the last 25 years when I either lived in the LA area or have driven by Pasadena on the freeway , I never went "downtown" before today.  The downtown is extrmely clean and very pretty. The hotel is 2 blocks off Colorado Blvd, where the Rose Parade is, and I'm going to walk down that way for dinner to get a little exercise.  It's about 80 degrees out.... 8-) 
I was listening to CNBC today on the radio for most of the way and learned that Christmas is exactly 6 months from today...  Better start getting ready!
Since I learned in San Diego how hard it is to drive in a city and follow maps at the same time, I put the hotel address in the Garmine (GPS system) before I left home. Not that I didn't trust Gertrude, that is what Larry and I named the irritating voice of the Garmin, I also printed out maps for the trip.  Good thing I had a map since Gertrude kept trying to take me south of the I-10 and I KNEW that Pasadena was north of the I-10.  I have no idea where she would have taken me but it sure wouldn't have been to the hotel I wanted to go to.  I p.robably wore her out since she was recalculating all the time when I ignored the turns she wanted me to take. Maybe she will do better tomorrow..
Yep, Morris was pretty upset with me this morning. He woke me up around 5 and I finally got up at 5:30 since he wouldn't let me go back to sleep. I got ready, took him for a walk and then finished packing the car. By the time I was done, he was setting in the entry and ignoring me. Not often, but once-in-a-while, I wish he was like other cats who care less if people are around or not.  But then he wouldn't be Morris.... So I told him to just take it One Day At A Time  like I do and soon I will be home again...

About ready for the trip... 8-)

Just about everything is checked off the list and I head out Monday morning bright and early. It is really a lot of work to get ready for a long road trip by yourself!   The only thing that is easier is the clothes packing since now I only pack for one. 8-)  I'm not looking forward to doing that much driving by myself (2,410+ miles) but on the other hand I don't mind driving and always found driving a good way to "problem solve". Thank goodness for satellite radio and I should be an expert on the stock market by the time I get back since I listen to CNBC during the day like Larry always did.  I wouldn't know how to do a day drive and listen to anything else...  I could do the drive up to Sacramento or home from San Francisco in 2 days but am going to take 2 1/2 days so I don't have to drive such long days. Besides, my physical therapist is insisting that I stop every 1 1/2 hours to get out of the car, walk around and stretch my legs.  That will take add time to the drive but I'm going to try to comply with his instructions. I'm also stopping at Modesto and Turlock to do some genealogy research on the way up. In Sacramento, I'm spending the days at the California Historical Library and have a long list of research to do on Larry's ancestors. It's going to be very sad and lonely to be up there with Larry's family and not have him there. But on the other hand, while up that way,  I'll be taking his ashes to where he asked to be which is at Fallen Leaf Lake and that's one of the last things I can do for him. It just seems so hard to believe that we were at the lake last June and had such a wonderful time.  We never in a thousand years though this year would be so different. In the 12 years we were together, the 2 places I saw Larry the happiest was at Fallen Leaf Lake and last summer in Little Rock. He loved both of those places. Needless to say, Morris is going to be really upset with me when I start packing tomorrow but oh well....  I try to explain things to him but not sure I want to know what he is saying when he answers me back...  I promised him that he could go along with me next summer on a trip...  In the meantime, One Day At A Time...

Six Long Months

We are a nation that counts birthdays and anniversaries.  It's no different after the loss of someone special to us. You start out counting how many weeks, then it's a month, then it moves to 3 months and now 6 months. People tell me that 1 year is  a big anniversary and then you usually only count the yearly anniversaries of when the death occurred. It is still hard for me to comprehend that so much can happen in 6 months and how much my life has chanaged in only 6 months.

What I have learned in the last 6 months:

• Planning a trip isn’t near as much fun when you don’t have anyone to share it with.
• The depth of emotions that are within me.  I learned to not hold emotions in like I have done all my life but to let them surface.  
• The death of a spouse is nothing like a divorce.  The death is so much harder to handle.
• Pets grieve in many of the same ways that humans do.
• The value of friends who are there whenever you need them.
• Losing a “spouse” is nothing like losing a parent or close friend.
• Everyone deals with grief differently and there is no “right way”.
• There is no time frame on “getting over it”.
• Little things of his mean a lot to me. i.e. his Medic Alert dog tag with transplants listed
• How important it is to discuss “what to do when I’m gone”.
• Sometimes it’s the little things that can trigger tears.
• How much comfort a bag of little Snickers or a big, juicy hamburger can be.
• I hate it but can deal with lizards and bugs in the house on my own. i.e. 2 ½” hard-shell beetle or a lizard.
• Sounds in the night. i.e. something on the roof and sometimes in the back yard.
• How hard it is to bet back into the groove of doing chores that usually Larry did even thought I did them for years before we got together. i.e. taking trash out, spraying/pulling weeds in the yard, sweeping out the garage, dealing with repair companies.
• Just because you lived alone in the past doesn’t make it any easier now.
• How to take life One Day At A Time.

Milestone

Larry and I always put our Christmas cards on the kitchen wall until after Christmas. So, back in November when Get Well cards started to come in, I put them on the wall after taking them to the hospital to show him. Then came Christmas cards, then Sympathy cards and lastly Thinking of You cards. They all went up on the kitchen walls. This is one of 4 areas they were on. Over the months I have looked at them and felt such comfort from them. Some of them I have read and re-read many, many times. On some of them I still read the verses on the outside of the card about every day. I just couldn't take them down. The counselor said they were kinda like "hugs" fo rme and I think she was right.  She said I would know when the time was right to take them down and not to rush it. .Anyway, last week I started thinking about taking them down. One fell down Sunday, for the upteenth time, and I didn't put it back up. Then yesterday another one fell down. So today I decided to see if I could take them down. One after the other I took them down, peeled the scotch tape off the back, reread them and put them in a pile. I kept out 6 cards that have meant the most to me and put them back up so I can keep reading them.  One of my favorites is "By love, they are remembered, and in memory they live".  I tied them up with a ribbon and put them in the drawer with other personal things of Larry's and things from the Memorial service, cards from flowers we received, etc. So....One Day At A Time progress is being made.

One-Way Morris

There is one major problem with taking Morris for a walk - he only wants to go one-way as far as I'm willing to let him go.  He will not turn around and come back home. So...when we have gone far enough for me, not him, I have to pick him up and carry him home. Twelve pounds isn't hugh but he does get heavy when we're a block away. He is so long and tall, that you can't just put him under your arm like a little dog. Usually he doesn't mind being carried since he is taller and just looks around at everything.  Last night I tried setting him down facing home and he turned around and went back the other way. I just don't get it....  Sometime while we are out walking, I imagine Larry watching us and laughing his head off.  He had no idea what he started when he taught Morris to walk on a leash. If Morris had his way, we would go out several times a day but we, or should I say "I" have decided that twice a day is enough - after breakfast and after dinner when the sun has gone down and it is a degree or two cooler. We sure get a lot of looks when people drive by and realize that it is a cat that I'm walking and not a dog.

Two nights ago Morris saw a lizard run up this mailbox and go in under the mailbox on the column. Last night he walked straight to the mailbox which is about 5 doors down from us.

He is looking in where the lizard ran into the crack.

Lizards, Morris & Me

It's a fact that Morris loves lizards and I hate them, even one that is 2 inches long. Morris will spend hours in the front entry watching for them and it amazes me that he can coax one through a tiny crack so he can grab it. Then he brings in in the house and "see, I have a new toy".  Well, when Larry was around, I would immediately go into another room and shut the door until the lizard was gone - either Larry had caught it and put it back outside or Morris ate it. I knew that the day would come when Morris would bring one in and Larry wasn't around to deal with it. Yep, it happened! I hear some different sounds while I'm watching the TV last week in the evening, look over to the entry and there is Morris playing with his new 2" toy. My nightmare come true... So, I think a minute and decided to try sweeping it back into the entry with the broom. Well as soon as the broom got close to the lizard it ran.  But speedy Morris grabs it and is heading for the office which if it gets loose in there I will never get it out due to desks, stuff on the floor, etc. I grab Morris in mid-stride.  He is making noises but not dropping his trophy. I toss him out into the entry, with lizard in his mouth and shut the door.  A while later, I peak out and he is there but no lizard is in his mouth. I would like to think it escaped but doubt if that was the case...  Larry sealed the entry as best we can last summer so not near as many come in as compared to when we first moved here but it does occasionally still happen.
When we go for walks outside, he is on a mission to find lizards. If he sees one today, the next time we go for a walk, he will first head to the spot he last saw a lizard and start the search there.  Yesterday we were outside and he spotted one.  He froze in mid-stride like a bird dog would do when it sees a bird. Morris was motionless except for his tail that was low to the ground and slowly going back and forth. This morning he heard something in a palm tree and when I looked up there was a lizard about 4 feet off the ground. Morris sits there looking up at the tree and walking around it as if to say "wonder if I can climb this thing?". Guess he decided not climb it since he lost interest and moved on. He can't small very well but he can sure hear the least little sound.

Morris looking in the lantana bush for the lizard that he saw run in the bush.