I was setting evaluating myself......

....and decided to lay down. I keep reading/hearing that the grief after losing a spouse to death is unlike anything a person will ever go through in their life. I'm finally starting to believe it! The whole process is especially hard for someone with my personality who looks at a situation, puts it in perspective, decides what needs to be done, makes a plan to get it done and executes the plan. Well that isn't working... All I'm doing is stressing myself out with stomach problems because it won't fit in my little squares. The grief isn't a linear process. How many times has my counselor told me that but I keep trying to make it so. Today may be a good day and I think I'm making progress. Then tomorrow may feel like I'm back at day 1. I've experienced the mental symptoms of stress/grief and now some physical are starting up so I know it is time to step back and just "float" like she keep telling me to do. Me...I want to get those decisions made! Maybe not act on them but get them made. I want to know where I will be living 2 years from now and how my days will be filled. I want the "to do" list all checked off at the end of the day. That's my personality and right now it is my worst enemy.. For one thing, my "diminished capacity" ( I love that....) renders me incapable of doing analysis for making decisions like that. I just can't sort it all out.. I can't decide between A & B. I KNOW that a move is not an action I should do for a year or so but I just want the decision made on where it will be to... 8-) After all, I'm one who will read the last page of a mystery to see how it ends... My brain may say "One Day At A Time" but my personality is having a really hard time with that concept...