It was the right decision

I came into Larry's room about 7:15 this morning and he was softly snoring and sound asleep like he would be at home. There was no one coming into take blood, get his vitals, wake him up to take pills he could barely swallow, etc. He has slept all day like that and I've been told that that will probably be the norm from here on out. Keeping him comfortable is the guiding principle from here on so I'm fine if that means he sleeps all the time. Plus, apparently that is just what the body does in this situation when it is shutting down. He had only had a couple of episodes of restlessness since he got here of wanting to get out of bed but they didn't last very long and then he laid back down and went back to sleep. I actually got outside during the sunshine today! When he was at UMC, I would get to the hospital when it was dark and it was dark when I went home. Georgia and I even left for lunch today and to pick up some stuff at the cleaners. I don't fell I need to stay here all the time like I did in the hospital. There are noi docs coming by, they take good care of him and he is sleeping peacefully. I still woke up about 3 a.m. this morning and couldn't go back to sleep but maybe tonight will be better... Georgia and I went over to the mortuary today while she was here and can help me with some decisions. I just needed to get some things started so when they get the call they have some basic information. It just seemed so unreal to be setting there and discussing such things. It is really hard for me to comprehend everything when it is all happening so fast - I didn't have time to adjust to the diagnosis before we had to deal with the next phase which was hospice. I talked to the doc this morning and we are going to keep him on a low dose of immunosuppresent drug so hopefully the he won't reject the kidney to soon. Its' a drug they can inject so he doesn't have to take the pills. That was Dr. Whitman's suggestion when he called me yesterday afternoon just before we moved him. At 3 a.m. this morning, I knew that I couldn't stand to see him reject my kidney that had given us such a wonderful 3.5 years. The body may reject it naturally but at least it won't be because we withdrew the immunosuppresent drugs. So far, it is working fine. I can accept the rejection if it happens naturally but the feeling is that the cancer, or side effect, will take him before it gets to that point. One day at a time...