Wham!

I thought I was doing pretty good, all things considered, until this morning. I was sitting in the lobby at Peppi's House waiting on the appointment with my counselor. I see an ambulance pull up in front and they bring in a new patient. She was in about the same condition as Larry was when he was admitted there. Well......the tears were unstoppable! The pain I felt was more intense than any I have felt in several days. I don't know if it was for me or for what I knew awaited another family. The counselor likened grief to walking along the beach. A big wave come ashore, hits you and knocks you down. You finally get up and start walking some more when another wave comes along and the same thing happens. Eventually, the waves still hit you but you don't fall down and are able to keep standing although you still feel them and they still hurt. Makes sense to me and that is exactly how I feel at times. Needless to say, they are still knocking me flat.... Another thing we talked about is "the cobwebs in my brain, the feeling that my brain is running on 2 of 6 cylinders," etc. She explained it as diminished capacity due to the subconscious being totally focused on what has happened and the conscious being weaker than usual. Kinda like early dementia... It is such a weird feeling for me and totally unlike anything I have ever experienced before in my life. I have to really focus sometimes when doing something that previously was just automatic for me. My multi-tasking skills, that used to be really good, have gone out the window for now. Anyway, I don't like it and will be glad when my brain gets back in sync with itself. Anyway...it was back to a pocket full of Kleenex and peanut clusters today but One Day At A Time..